Endometriosis really tests you as a person…it takes you to deep dark places that you have to fight your way out of.
Everyday I have to take all of my mental and physical strength to keep myself together during the day. It is so mentally and physically draining. I am always fatigued. My daily pain/symptoms are; I wake up feeling nauseated, bloated, and tired, which leaves me with no appetite. The pain starts off with sharp, tearing pain in my abdominal and pelvic area. If I stretch, tense, move, walk it feels like someone is squeezing my insides and ripping them out or I’m continuously getting stabbed. Sometimes throughout the day when I am standing/walking I get sharp pain down my legs, and lower back, which makes me almost collapse, but I push through and make myself continue. Most of the time I’ll give myself a minute to regain myself, I’ll either have to sit down on the ground, lean up against a wall, or just stop where I am and try and push past the pain. I get pain throughout my vagina, and rectum. It’s become difficult for me to get started releasing my bladder, or my bowels because of the endo pain and where the endometriosis has grown back. When my abdominal/pelvic area is bumped or touched it is extremely tender and feels bruised. I get severe pressure headaches, my muscles ache and cramp. I have been on Visanne (drug therapy) for the past month, so some of my symptoms will be from that and not just the endo. Pain killers only take the edge off but barely help when the pain is severe. My wheat bag on the other hand is my best friend! I usually fall a sleep with it on my abdominal/pelvic area.
Since my Endometriosis has grown back (after having surgery to remove it previously) my pain has come back 10x worse. It has made life difficult and is ruining my quality of life.
I do get really upset and cry a lot. I get anxiety, and sometimes think I’m not worth it. The fact that my loved ones have to watch me in pain, and deal with my medical condition, absolutely kills me, and I wish they didn’t have to endure it. There has been times in the past where I haven’t wanted to be here because the pain had gotten so bad. I have battled with my mind time and time again. It makes it hard when all people see on the outside is a healthy person but they can’t see the illness on the inside. Then people disregard what you’re feeling.
The way I see it though is at the end of the day life goes on, so instead of letting endo beat you down, fight back and make yourself a happy life. Your body can’t go where your mind doesn’t take it. I know it’s easier said then done, but it is worth it in the end.
Remember that endometriosis is not you, it is a part of you yes, but you are your own person. You’re strong, you’re beautiful, you’re smart, and you’re a fighter. Surround yourself with loved ones, have mental and physical support, do things that make you happy, make goals and achieve them.
Thank you for taking the time to read this you beautiful souls.